|Read :||Week Eleven Recap||
Rosa Loteria Confessional
Wild Fox Confessional
That was cool. Totally cool.
The big question around here has always been, how are they going to bring us Discards back? You know that's how these shows work. They sure weren't keeping us all fed and boozed because they liked us. No, I knew there had to be some big finish.
But you know what I thought it was going to be? I thought the last challenge — you know, when it's just down to two people and they have to decide the winner — I was really hoping it would be them against us. That's right — all twenty whatever of us against them. Epic combat. Sweet revenge. 'Cause we would have totally kicked their asses. Seriously cool.
But I was okay with how it went down. Getting to look those guys in the eyes, them knowing that we all controlled their fates. You could see it, they actually regretted every single time they were jerks to any of us.
Why did I vote off Stuntman? The real reason? 'Cause I wanted to see a catfight in the finish. Hot girl-on-girl action. Bam! And it's not like there was any way Curveball wasn't going to win the whole ballgame.
Except she left. She just left. What's up with that? So there's some bad [bleep] going on in Egypt. There's also bad [bleep] going on in Africa, Central America, the Philippines, Indonesia — not to mention L.A.It's not like you have to go looking for problems to solve. So what makes her think she can solve any of them? What can anybody do in a [bleep]hole like that?
Personally, I think it's hormones. She's totally been chasing after John Fortune since like Week 3. It's made her lose her mind. She's going to wake up a week from now and totally kick herself for giving up the million dollars.
I'm staying right here in the Discard Pile. It's an endless party. Except for the people moping around like losers. I mean, yeah, okay, we are losers. But are we really? See, I don't think so. We made it this far, right? Not everyone can win, and let's face it, most of us only got on the show because some network dude thought we looked hot or would be funny or something.
It's not like any of this is real. We've got a fridge full of beer and pizza — I'm totally there. I feel like a winner. The fact that I made it as far as I did makes me kind of a celebrity around here, you know?
Okay, not really. But I refuse to be all down and out about it. I'm not going to bring everyone else down. In fact — and I got a lot of practice doing this in high school so I know it works — I think I'm the total life of the party. A few celebrity impressions, a ten-eyed squid peeking out of somebody's margarita — brings down the house every single time. I'm in my element here.
I've been watching the dailies from the show. Those so-called winners? Do they look like they're having any fun? Not even a little bit. When was the last time you saw Stuntman smile? Seriously? Has that dude ever smiled?
Actually, the place is kind of lonely since half the people here left for Egypt. I hate to admit it, but I'm going to be kind of sad to see all this end. I mean, it's a great party here at the Discard Pile.
I kind of got the best of both worlds — I made it halfway through the competition before I got kicked off. So I haven't been here since the start, not long enough to get totally sick of it, anyway. I got to show my stuff. I was in it long enough for people to get to know me. I have fans. Can't say that about Joe Twitch, can you?
Some people think that the show's prejudiced against jokers. That they only want pretty people and jokers, let's face it, just aren't pretty.
But hey, you know what I say to that? Being a joker's what you make of it. I mean, Peregrine's a joker. Hasn't held her back at all. DB and Joker Plague have made a cottage industry of being jokers. Me — I wouldn't want to be any other way, you know? People are always going to know me because of this. [Holds up tail.]
In fact, and I probably shouldn't be talking about this until it's a done deal, but there's this game show in Japan. One of those crazy stunt things with people jumping through hoops and landing in mud while working math problems, or chicks in bikinis on mechanical bulls throwing cream pies at each other. That kind of thing. And they need a host. And they want me. Can you believe it?
It just goes to show you, everybody's got a niche. Everybody's got a place in the world. You just have to put yourself out there and find it.
I love American Hero. I love the Discard Pile. And I love you, man. [Points to the camera and winks.] How about that for Mr. Japanese Game Show?